he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
