Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize