I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
