I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
