If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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