did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
