I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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