SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
