Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
