So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
