In the future we'll all be gay
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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