Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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