yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
