I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
try to milk me bitch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
