So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
