the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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