I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
