kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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