swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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