Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
