i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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