Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
false alarm. still invincible.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
