i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
