I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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