me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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