You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
