I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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