Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
