The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
