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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
