I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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