JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
