On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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