but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
