I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
