your parents love me but you hate me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I forgot how hot balto sounded
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
