This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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