I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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