i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
