Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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