Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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