Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
