i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
