No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
