i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
