I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
