she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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