i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
