Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
