In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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