3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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