Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What a dumb baby whore.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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