I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
