he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize