you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
