whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
