Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
