Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
