Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
